Cake Walk

A Yorkie, a Labradoodle and a West Highland terrier are all the sweeter when sitting atop a banana cake with caramel buttercream. This cake was designed by Yum Bunnies Cakery. And the sight of this confection caused at least one grown woman (the keeper of the Yorkie and the Labradoodle) to cry with wonder and delight --not because of calories and cholesterol.

Jess and Michelle, the master bakers and designers at Yum Bunnies Cakery, are not as famous as Duff Goldman and the crew at Charm City Cakes but their ten minutes of extreme celebrity will come. Already, Yum Bunnies' cakes star in Hollywood movies, including the upcoming "Pink Panther Deux." And, yes, they ship all over, including Iraq. Yum Bunnies never uses inedible ingredients, such as styrofoam, to construct their towers of flour, butter, sugar. Dog Lady is so impressed, she names Yum Bunnies Cakery as her official sweet sensation.

In the Dog House

Since the hooker mayhem engulfed Eliot Spitzer, the media has been hard-pressed to quote a Spitz hound or any friend of the scandal-tarred former New York governor. The common labels for Spitzer are "dog" and "horndog." Not accurate. Dogs have nary a shred of hypocrisy in their bones.

In keeping with the canine theme, Dog Lady dug up this odd vintage photo of Spitzer and James, a wheaton terrier, keeping company before his inauguration in 2006. They sit surrounded by bare bookshelves. Only James seems to be looking outward. Spitzer actually has two dogs -- the other is a bichon frise named Jesse -- and he must feel some relief in their oblivion. They ask only for food and walks -- not $80,000 in companionship fees from phony shell companies. More reasons to love dogs.

Dog Lady's advice to Spitzer would be to get out with his woofers -- early and often.

The news photographers, like this shooter for the New York Post, will vanish after awhile.

Dog rambles ease tension and can lead into an unexpected glow of sunshine for both the walker and walkees. On these serenity gambols, Spitzer will probably not want to dress Jesse or James in a Client #9 teeshirt.

As Spitzer wrestles with demons of his own design, Margo Howard, who writes Ask Margo and is an advice columnist greatly admired by Dog Lady, counsels the former governor to declare he's a sex addict and seek immediate treatment away from the public eye -- at least for the relief of his long-suffering wife.

(Bleep) Happens At Dog Shows

Uno won. The fix was in at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show . David Frei, the Westminster spokesman and canine omniscient TV commentator, had more or less predicted that the adorable beagle, would take "Best In Show" at the annual dog derby. Of course, Uno or any of the brilliant doggies at Westminster could take the top prize, which, in Dog Lady's world, would be a bucket of dried liver chunks and a romp in the sunshine away from hair spray, nail clippers and judges pinching private parts.

Speaking of private parts, the competing canines -- from Afghans to Yorkies -- are all purebreds with aristocratic bloodlines, but they still have urgent biological needs defying propriety. Many of us know all about this urge to merge with the nearest fire hydrant because our own dogs are not shy about squatting or lifting their legs. No commentator dares to yammer on about this unseemly issue. Still, millions of viewers, who attend to the needs of their pets, wonder about it. Why don’t we see any accidents on TV? What happens at a dog show when a dog needs to go?

Dog Lady received these crucial questions from Penny, a reader, in an email: “Can a dog be disqualified if it goes potty during the show? And are there things an owner does before the show to keep them from doing this?”

To answer Penny’s queries, Dog Lady turned to Karen Norteman. Norteman shows Dinah, her beautiful bearded collie. She also keeps a marvelous blog, Dog Show Newbie, in which Norteman smartly and humorously writes about adventures on the championship circuit.

Regarding elimination, the biological kind, Norteman explains: “If your dog eliminates while showing in the ring, you won't be disqualified. The judge will ask the ring steward to call for the cleanup crew, whose job it is to dispatch such problems.

"The AKC stipulates that every show has ex-pens outdoors, but the Westminster show has areas "backstage" in the Garden that are blocked off by ex-pens and filled with sawdust, with pooper scoopers and cans at the ready to pick up and dispose of #2."

Yes, Dog Lady knows whereof Norteman speaks. While attending Westminster, Dog Lady wandered backstage and took this picture of a woman waiting for a Westie to poop in the sawdust.

Penny, as regards your second question, Norteman answers: “The best preventative is, of course, to exercise your dog before going into the ring."

So, dear readers, this is a whole lot of potty mouthing about dogs gotta dooing what dogs gotta do -- even at dog shows.

An Inspiring Dog Walk In A New Year

Dog Lady and her great friend, Susanne, took our dogs for a walk in the woods on a January day when the temperature on the East Coast reached far into the 60s. The dogs, of course, were delighted to have this adventure. So was Dog Lady who was wearing her new Yaktrax, which meant she could walk with ease on paths encrusted with melting ice. (Read about Yaktrax in the "See Spot).

We wended far into the woods by a river when, suddenly, we came upon a scene of chaos. A dog flailed in the water while its owner stood helpless on the riverbank. The dog, Mya, was stuck clinging to an ice floe and was trapped. The dog yelped for help. The cries were heart-rending. The owner’s fear was palpable. We didn’t know what to do. The owner had called 911 but aid seemed very far away. We all were frozen in place – even the dogs on the shore – while Mya’s cries pierced the balmy quiet.

As a crisis unfolds, people tend to be true to their inner colors. There are the paralyzed watchers, the hysterical screamers and the determined doers. Dog Lady, unfortunately, is a screamer. Her friend is a doer.

Susanne sprang into action. She made her way down to the river bank and crawled out onto a large limb that extended into the water. She called for Mya. Remarkably, the sinking animal, perhaps motivated by our calls of encouragement, paddled around to the limb. Susanne grabbed the hair on the dog’s head and the scruff of its neck. She hauled Mya, a doodle puppy (Lab or golden), up onto the limb and then onto dry land. The dog came out of the water shivering. We took off our coats and put them around Mya. The owner, ashen, thanked Susanne profusely. Susanne carried Mya for a bit until the dog stopped shaking and walked on her own. Everybody went away a little happier and wiser.

What Dog Lady learned: If your dog has natural "to the water" instincts, keep it on the leash when walking near a frozen body of water. There are always cracks in the ice. If it somehow eludes the leash and heads to the water, immediately coax it back to shore and put on a leash. If your dog falls through, do not go in the water. You could drown. Instead, call for help -- or hope there’s a good Samaritan Susanne willing to crawl out on a long tree limb.

Halloween Scary Only For Squirrels

Even when dogs are dressed in costumes, they do not lose their instinct to stare down a squirrel. Here, a Westie (disguised as a nudist), a Rhodesian ridgeback bunny, a Cavalier King Charles in a sagging peacock outfit and another Cav in saggy chicken garb face down a rodent. They were supposed to be attending a Halloween party in the park. The real party came when the squirrel appeared. Naturally, this foursome did not catch the bushy tail.

Dog Lady Smells A Rat: Poisonous Food

The pet food recall has expanded exponentially. See the latest listing of recalled foods from the FDA. Treats from Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance are the latest suspects.

It all began weeks ago after several pets died of kidney failure. Menu Foods, a Canadian dog and cat food conglomerate that provides pet foods to many supermarket chains, including Wal-Mart, issued a massive recall of its brands. These include such "premium" varieties of dog foods packaged under the Iams, Eukanuba, Nutro and Science Diet labels. Who knew these supposedly high-end brands were all made in the same place? This information alone should be unsettling to pet owners who paid more to buy pet food they thought to be the very best.

At first, the recall covered only a selection of wet foods described as "cuts in gravy." However, as the days went by, more foods and brands were targeted as tainted, including dry Science Diet food for cats and Del Monte treats for dogs. Check the suspect list carefully.

Rat poison seems to be the toxic ingredient, according to the Food and Drug Administration. The poison somehow found its way into the wheat and rice gluten in the foods. This revelation comes after many animals have gotten sick and died. Somehow, the information is cold comfort to those who mourn or who must pay huge vet bills. The whole thing's a mess.

If your dog exhibits the following symptoms, please see a veterinarian: Stops eating, appears tired and lifeless, seems abnormally thirsty, urinates much more than usual, vomits, has diarrhea. You can also report a sick pet on the Pet Connection's Weblog.

To maintain a healthy dog, Dog Lady advises you to check out foods that are not mass produced. Dog Lady does not endorse these canned foods, but she's fed them to her own dog and he's in fine fettle. Evanger

Merrick

Solid Gold

The master of good food and good works, Paul Newman, makes wonderful organic dog food (or so Dog Lady's dog let's her know).

Newman even donates profits to animal charities and the Web site lists all the healthy ingredients.

Dog Lady suspects this Menu Foods recall will profoundly impact the pet food industry, with fingers and lawsuits pointed. Please feed your darling well. Make sure you examine the label and, remember, anything with "undigested poultry parts" or "wheat" or "wheat gluten" -- even if it doesn't contain poison -- will sit like concretized gunk in sweetheart's stomach.

You can always throw out the pet food completely and feed your dog whatever human-grade delectibles it wants (no chocolate, raisins, onions, however). Until this huge scandal erupted in the pet food industry, Dog Lady would never have encouraged this, but now things have inevitably changed. One adorable elderly Lhasa apso is hooked on corn muffins and sausage patties. The diet works miracles.

Westminster Whoop De Doo

Dog Lady went to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, an event where the common parlance revolves around "bitches" and "breeding partners." Apart from the eugenics, the logistics of the whole thing seemed overwhelming, with thousands of dogs cooped up in hotels during the night and crammed into cages during the day, sprung only for trots around the ring. Competing dogs had to stay "benched" (ie. caged) backstage for hours. The public wandered through this tropically hot dog zoo, taking pictures and asking questions about the captives. Dog Lady saw a forlorn looking Newfoundland named Titan slobbering in his crate with his water bowl empty. She asked the women chatting near Titan's cage how it was possible to travel with such a large animal. They ignored the question and kept chatting. Here's a video of Titan in happier times.

Dog Lady took this picture of matinee-idol handler Bill McFadden being corraled by an admirer as he left the ring. McFadden showed a few compact dogs, including this second-place Westie, a French bulldog, and the Dandie Dinmont terrier co-owned by Bill Cosby.

Dog Lady had no real star sightings, except for the dogs, of course. She heard Martha Stewart, wearing a tobacco-colored coat, was in the house to see the chows compete. And she saw Cindy Adams, the New York Post columnist, teetering down the Garden's concrete stairs.

Instead of battling with the crowds at Madison Square Garden, Dog Lady would have been just as happy hanging out across the street in the lobbies of nearby hotels where dogs paraded or lolled with their keepers during off-hours. At the Hotel Affinia, Dog Lady met a sweet Bernese mountain dog named Kohl from Cleveland. Kohl won Best of Breed at Westminster in 2006 and he took the title "Love Muffin" in 2007.

In the end, James, an English springer spaniel, won Best In Show. James is a handsome lad who looks like a canine patrician. Dog Lady, however, was happy to get home to her own Best In Show, a scruffy darling with a comical face and a twisted tail who's a champion at racing around the house with his squeaky frog.

Whoop De Doo Doo

Where do all the dog show dogs go to the potty when nature calls? It's an unseemly subject but certainly one that millions of dog owners secretly wonder when watching Westminster.

Dog Lady can report she saw a giant Bouvier des Flandres squatting over a subway grate on 33rd Street and letting loose a rain of pee. Puddles on sidewalks were also common all around Madison Square Garden. The Hotel Pennsylvania provided a wonderful amenity -- a doggie bathroom in the basement with piles of wood shavings and faux fire hydrants discreetly placed.

Off the main arena at Madison Square Garden, there were stalls lined with splatter tarps and paved with wood chips, accommodations for large and small dogs. Here, the owners and handlers patiently waited for their champions to perform. It is said of celebrities they put on their pants one leg at a time. Nearly the same can be said of celebrity dogs.

Fashion Hounds

Dear Dog Lady,

Seems every supermodel carries around a dog in her arms. Have little yappers become hot fashion accessories?

Heidi, Manhattan, NY

Inner Dogs

Dear Dog Lady,

The other day, I overheard someone urging her friend to "walk your inner dog." That got me thinking. Do all of us have inner dogs? If so, what are they telling us?

Betsy, Boston

Blue Dog Democrat

Dear Dog Lady,

Since the presidential election, I’ve been a pessimistic mess. I despair for the world. I want to crawl under the bed and stay there until we blow up, or George Bush leaves office, whatever comes first. My friends and relatives think I’ve taken it all very emotionally. They offer the bromide that life goes on because the alternative is just too horrible. They’re Democrats too, but they have children and spouses to keep them focused. I’m gay and without a partner at the moment, which certainly adds to my feelings of doom in this new era of “moral values.”

You must wonder why I am writing you. Seems the one hopeful impulse I have at the moment is to adopt a dog. Do you think a dog might be the cure for what ails me? Do you have any advice about what kind of dog?

Bluer Than Blue In A Blue State

Christmas Eve, 2004

On this Christmas Eve, the Wall Street Journal published an evocative opinion piece -- "What Will Your Dog Say Tonight?" -- about the animals talking around a manger on a starry night so long ago. How most of us yearn for a conversation with our pets. And how sublime when a writer names that dream.

"Animals serve purposes beyond the obvious ones," writes the unnamed Journal columnist. "Through their behavior, they help humans decipher their own impulses. . .

"Most significantly, perhaps, the secret life of other creatures inspires and deepens our curiousity about the order of the Cosmos. As symbols, animals let humans communicate feelings and beliefs in a universal language. . .

"Tonight we may wish that household pets will also have a personalized message for their owners. But there is no getting around the fact that the facility for speech on this one evening was God's gift to animals for recognizing the miracle and for nuzzling the special baby to keep him warm. So give pets good things to eat, keep an open heart and hope for glad tidings."

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Thank you for reading, writing, enjoying. And listen to what your dog is telling you.

White House Weapon of Mass Distraction

Dear Dog Lady,

What is it with presidents and their dogs? President Bush always seems to be trotting out his dog for the cameras. And I recently visited the FDR Memorial in Washington, D.C., and was surprised to see the site included a statue of Roosevelt's dog, Fala, who, by the way, looks a lot like Bush's dog.

Harry, St. Louis, MO

A Question For the Ages

Dear Dog Lady,

Do dogs bring out the good or the bad in people?

Missy, New York, N.Y.

Freudian Ruffs

Dear Dog Lady,

Whatcha think of "The Sopranos?" Is it going to the dogs or what?

Toby, Brooklyn, NY

"Sex" Stars

Dog Lady has been getting a lot of questions about "Sex And the City." Even though the HBO comedy has ended its run, people want to know the important stuff about all those doggies making cameo appearances.

Aimee in Cork, Ireland asks: "What breed of dog did Carrie feed pasteries to in the final episode of 'Sex and the City'?"

Dog Lady: An apricot mastiff shared brioche with a lovelorn Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker). Nice to see she didn't hold a grudge after she stepped in a pile of poop in her white stilettoes. Parisian dogs defecate in the streets and dine in all the posh cafes.

Lucia asks: "What breed of dog is Elizabeth Taylor? I have a friend who cannot decide between a big dog or small. I thought this one would be ideal."

Dog Lady: La Liz Taylor, barren Charlotte's fertile canine alter ego, is a Cavalier King Charles spaniel. And, please, Lucia, don't transpose the "Cavalier" and "King Charles" -- or Cav cognoscenti will cluck at you. ABC's Diane Sawyer also has a Cav. Dog Lady urges you not to get a dog just because it's fashionable. Dogs are not handbags, nor do they belong in handbags.

Also, for all you trivia buffs out there. Can you remember Charlotte's first dog? The boyfriend replacement was a Jack Russell named Jack who tore up the scenery -- literally. By the end of the episode, Charlotte was giving the dog up because she couldn't handle the stress.

Isabella in Virginia wants to know the breed of the tiny dog, Mr. Winkle, the scene-stealer at Carrie's book signing. Mr. Winkle is actually a miniscule mutt of no discernible pedigree except cuteness.

And Aidan's dog Pete is a sought-after hound, although he wasn't too popular with Carrie after he chewed on her designer shoes. As best Dog Lady can tell, Pete is an English pointer.

The Gift Of Barney Blarney

Dear Dog Lady,

Now that Saddam has been caught like a dog, what’s the latest poop on Barney, the White House terrier-ist? I hear there’s another holiday video about Barney. How can I see it?

Sandy, Los Angeles, Calif.

For the Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Dog Days of Summer

Dear Dog Lady,

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Betsy, Wellfleet, MA

Bowser Bialystock

Dear Dog Lady,

I was fortunate enough to attend the opening night of "The Producers" in Boston. The road company was terrific. I was also quite lucky (not through my own clout but through the largesse of a generous friend) to be sitting across the aisle from Mel Brooks, the comic genius behind the hilarious musical, and Brooks' wife, actress Anne Bancroft, who looks fabulous.

Throughout the show, which I loved, I spied on Brooks. He didn't see me staring because he was wrapped up in his Broadway baby. He smiled, laughed, sang along, clapped vigorously. By now, the man must have seen "The Producers" a million times. He wrote both the 1968 movie and the Tony award-overloaded musical. Yet, the whole shebang seemed new and exciting to him.

Brooks reminded me of my dog, Rascal, who chases and retrieves the same tennis ball until the fuzz is gone, the rubber wears away, and the ball cracks in half. No matter how many times Rascal fetches the ball, my dog romps and enjoys the game like the first time he played it.

Tell me, Dog Lady, in another life, do you think Mel Brooks was a dog?

Nathan, Providence, RI

Larry: Democratic Candidate For Fixing

Dear Dog Lady,

Our rottweiler, Larry, has been very confrontational since we moved him back to Cambridge from Washington a few summers ago. He’s not nice around the kids, and even worse with the staff in our office. He attacks anything that comes near him, and it’s ceasing to be endearing. He’s also developed some bad manners: He slobbers all over the place, and he’s messy when he eats. What would you recommend? Would castration help?

-- Carl, Cambridge, MA.

Tony Soprano needs a dog?

Dear Dog Lady,

I am hooked on “The Sopranos,” that HBO series about the mob. While I’m not completely happy with the creative direction of the drama during the last season, I was totally stunned when Tony whacked Ralphie with his bare hands, banging his head on the tile floor until Ralphie whined no more. Although Tony had a grudge against Ralphie, I guess Ralphie setting the fire that killed Tony’s beloved racehorse, Pie-O-My, tipped him over the homicidal edge.

Tony Soprano is one complicated character. The guy kills people and cheats on his wife but he wouldn’t hurt a flea. He seems to have a weakness for animals. Remember the very first episode of the series when he was enchanted by the ducks nesting in his swimming pool? Then, he goes mushy for Pie-Oh-My, sitting vigil in the horse’s stall when it was sick. He even cozied up to the goat that lived at the stable.

Dog Lady, don’t you think Tony needs a dog? He doesn’t need a girlfriend (they’re all cuckoo anyway) and he doesn’t need a shrink (Dr. Melfi had little to do during the fourth season). He sure could use some unconditional canine affection.

Stuart, Hoboken, N.J.

Tim and his Happy

My pets, occasionally you will have to indulge Dog Lady as I take a brief break from the usual column format of questions and astute answers to tell a “my dog” story or two. Dog Lady is forever fascinated with tales of tails from dog keepers -- how they met their pets and how the cherished critters changed their lives.

Caroline Knapp's canine connection

Dear Dog Lady,

There are so many books about dogs -- training tomes, breed books, humor paperbacks, collections of essays, sentimental memoirs. I go into Borders, Walden, Barnes and Noble, or I browse Amazon.com and I’m overwhelmed by the canine oeuvre. I can’t possibly read them all. So I turn to you. If I were to select just one book about dogs, which one would it be?

-Ralph, Boston, MA