Dear Ask Dog Lady,
I got divorced a couple of years ago. My two kids are off living their own lives. I’m home with the dog, which is fine because I love my dog, Scruffy. He’s a great companion. But dogs are fine as far as they go. I can’t imagine that I’ll never be in love again, or kiss again, or share my mind, body and soul again.
I was shattered after my marriage tanked. But I’ve done the necessary emotional and physical repair work. Now, I want to meet people. I’ve asked friends to fix me up and have been going out. So far, it’s been pretty discouraging. Seems that whenever I talk about my dog, my date’s face glazes over. I’m wondering if these men imagine I’m a lonely, eccentric woman who’s substituting canine affection for human love. What do you think? In the dating game, should I pretend I don’t have a dog?
-Bella, Los Angeles
Bella, faking doglessness is no way to win a fella. You want someone to fall for you because of who you are; not who you’re not.
What do you plan to do when a guy who thinks you’re dogless comes over for the first time? Dress up Scruffy in starched muslin and introduce him as domestic support staff?
Who cares what these glazed-over strangers think of you? What matters most is how you think of yourself.
You have nothing to hide and Dog Lady encourages you to speak openly about Scruffy because the dog is part of your heart. But be sensible. Don’t go overboard rhapsodizing about your pet. Similarly, you shouldn’t brag too much about your kids, or over-analyze your childhood traumas, or bad-mouth your ex-husband. Keep the sharing violations to a minimum.
In the primary stage of dating, you want to be yourself while maintaining a dignified distance. Remember, you’re the one who should be impressed and wooed. If you figure out that someone doesn’t like animals, the petless person is obviously not be the man for you. Move on.
Before she met Mr. Dog Lady, Dog Lady had a blind date with a man who stared at me blankly when I told him I was Dog Lady. “What qualifies you? Do you have a degree in animal husbandry?” he asked with a dour tone and prosecutorial glare. I stared down at my lamb tandoori and felt my stomach turn.
Granted, Indian cuisine is a dicey proposition for Dog Lady. There was, however, a greater disconnection going on. This man, chowing down on vindaloo curry and loudly slurping water, obviously didn’t “get” me, nor had any inclination to try. I realized I’d rather be home with my dog who’s all the animal husbandry I needed until I met biped Mr. Wonderful.
Forge on. Dating can be a drag but don’t let it drag you down. As long as you keep moving, you leave all the indignities behind. Just one healthy spark in the eyes of a man who’s genuinely interested in you can make all the battles in the dating wars fade in to funny stories.
