Ready For Your Cleanup, Dog Lady DeMille?

Dear Dog Lady,

I want to be a star. How do I get me and my dogs on TV?

Julie, New York, NY

Julie, do you also need an emotional rescue? A television producer recently contacted Dog Lady after googling for “dog ladies.” Although Dog Lady doesn’t fit the bill because her house is much too neat and her only dog much too pampered, she sends out the word:

Yo, ladies! Here’s your chance to become a celebrity if you have a legal motley crew of six or more dogs, if your house is a shambles, and if your human relationships are falling apart because you spend too much time doting on your animals. Oh, and it will also help if you have not styled your hair, put on makeup, or don't have the time to dress in anything but rover rags.

Producer Donna Macletchie is currently conducting a nationwide search for the ideal frazzled Dog Lady. Macletchie works for “Home Delivery,” a new daytime show produced by NBC/Universal. “Home Delivery” picks up on the trend of all those self-improvement/makeover programs that are sweeping the TV universe. “Home Delivery” premieres this week on a syndicated network of WB affiliates and other stations across the country.

Macletchie seeks a woman whose home has become a pooch crash pad and whose life is going to the dogs because she can’t refuse a woofer in need. “Their heart’s too big for their own good” is how the producer describes the ideal candidate. You should be kind and loving toward animals, not an oddball obsessive hoarder. Your instincts should be as healthy as the critters in your care.

You should also be fostering at least a half dozen dogs in need of new adoptive digs. Your boyfriend or husband should be one step out the door in search of new shelter because he’s had it up to here with all the mutt hair in the bed and kibbled bits of affection from you.

“Home Delivery” says it will rescue you, your dogs, and make you all queens for a day. This Hollywood crew will clean up and redecorate your house. They also will find good homes for the dogs. They promise they will transform you so fetchingly that your significant human other will woof with delight when he sees you as a re-born Dog Lady.

If you’re interested, contact Macletchie at dmac@homedeliveryshow.com. The show is so new that if you try to go to the Web site, you get an old link to the "Maury" show. Don't worry, Maury Povich won't come to your home.

Macletchie is making the selection, not "Ask Dog Lady". So, please, don’t write me. However, if a candidate is chosen from any of those directed from this site, Dog Lady will get an exclusive sound-bite from the newly-glammed Dog Lady.

Posted by Dog Lady at September 10, 2004 02:47 PM