Macy In the Middle

Dear Dog Lady,

My husband and I separated three weeks ago after 10 years of marriage. It was his idea. I was shocked and devastated. We have a 15-month-old Portuguese water dog named Macy. I was unable to have children so Macy is like a child to both of us.

Since my husband left, Macy is very nervous and uneasy. She has become my shadow and will not leave my side. She’s now timid around people she always loved seeing. When my mom reached over to pet her, she ducked behind me like she was scared.

Macy's behavior since my husband left saddens me deeply. I feel so bad when I see her act this way that I just want to cry. It breaks my heart. I have had good days and bad days. On my bad days I do get upset and cry.

Do you know why Macy has become so nervous around everyone? Will she ever go back to being her old self? I would love my husband to still be able to see her because we both love her, but will this be too hard on her?

Amy, Phoenix, AZ

Amy, your Macy is also going through a period of adjustment. The dog has become a cling-on because she worries you might disappear too. She senses your melancholy moods as well as the upheaval in the household. This makes her skittish. The best thing you can do for her is give her lots of quality playtime and bestow many hugs.

Please attempt the impossible: Pretend as if nothing has changed. Around your dog, hold your head high and don't let her see you sweat. Manage this, Amy, and you’ll also do yourself a world of good. If you carry on for the sake of the dog, you’ll soon be carrying on for the sake of you too.

Dog Lady applauds you for not letting your anger stand in the way of a joint custody arrangement. You don't want to deprive your ex of the joys in Macy's company. It will also give you a break to begin taking independent steps toward a new life. If the two of you can muster sane regularity, your pet will adapt more easily to the changes. Generally, dogs of divorce adjust quite well to shared custody arrangements – as long as the food and fun flow in both households.

Posted by Dog Lady at November 15, 2008 08:07 PM