Scenes From A Marriage

Dear Dog Lady,

I grew up with dogs being my best friends. I pity the people who do not know, and do not understand the love that dogs can bring into our lives. My wife is one of those people I pity. She can see a sleeping puppy and want to leave the room. In her defense, she witnessed a severe dog attack on a man when she was a child and never recovered.

For almost six years I have told her that I will have a dog when our living situation permits. That time has finally arrived, and, although I want to be sensitive to her feelings, I can no longer rob myself of canine companionship. I have been researching loads on the Internet on how to help make this a comfortable transition for all of us, but I feel some guidance from Dog Lady might point me in the right direction. So far I have not convinced her to try counseling with me, and I figure I cannot help her alone with such a traumatic experience. How often have you heard success stories of people in our situation? Am I being selfish?

Damian, New York, NY

Damian, you would be very selfish to bring home a de facto Fido and demand your wife accept the newcomer. But Dog Lady believes a dog will fall from heaven if you and your wife communicate very openly and compromise. You’re married. Presumably, you love each other. In that spark, there should always be hope.

You live in canine-crazed Gotham. Dog Lady urges the two of you to get up early and find your local dog gathering place to see the animals at play. Stand on the sidelines and watch how the owners and their pets relate to each other as well as to other dogs and people. Assure your wife you will leave if she feels uncomfortable. Put your arm around her so she knows you’re protecting her. Stop pitying her. She has legitimate worries.

Instead of psychiatric counseling, you both should visit a veterinarian or animal behaviorist to talk about fears. If your wife better understands the reasons why aggressive dogs attack, she will have a sense of how she can train and control a pet in your household.

Instead of doing research all by yourself, involve your wife. Show her pictures of dogs and prod her to pick the cutest. Who can resist a comic canine mug? Make this a project you two can accomplish together. You must be very patient as she sheds childhood trauma and accepts the idea of dogs as darlings under the same roof. Dog Lady believes it will happen with your constant creative encouragement and support.

Posted by Dog Lady at November 13, 2005 11:08 AM