Dog Fight

Dear Dog Lady,

Me and my husband recently divorced and are in the process of a big custody battle over our daughter. Before we separated, he had purchased a dog for my daughter as her pet. Now that we are fighting, he has decided to take the dog away to spite me (which devastated my kids). What I want to know is there anything I can do legally to get the dog back. The bill of sale is in his name but the dog is papered in my daughter’s name and she is the owner. But what can I do? Any information would help me greatly.

Heidi, Butte, MT

Heidi, heartfelt sympathy to you in your time of trouble. Dog Lady never ceases to be saddened by the painful ways we humans extract pounds of mental and spiritual flesh. May you soon find peace from the anguish caused by all this warfare with your ex-husband. How unfortunate a dog has been thrown into the mix of it.

You must understand Dog Lady is not a lawyer, nor does she play one in the newspaper, on the Internet, or in a “Law And Order” rerun. I venture your husband legally owns the dog because he has the bill of sale. Your daughter ethically and emotionally owns the dog because her name is on the breed papers and she probably has the strongest bond to the pet. You could fight for the dog in court, but your husband holds the trump card. Dogs are considered property. Your ex possesses the receipt.

I would use the dear dog as a potentially healing discussion point to appeal to your ex-husband for sanity and reason. If you think you could handle the encounter, sit down with him in person or write him a note. Begin with, “How did it get to this?” Proceed to tell him you will gladly include the pet in any formal custody arrangement that you eventually hammer out – ie. the dog follows your daughter whenever she visits him or stays at his house. However, for the time being, until the court rules, he should allow the dog to live with the children who love the pet best. My guess is that your ex doesn’t really want the dog. His real aim is to punish you more. Innocent dogs are not bargaining tools, as you probably should point out to him.

Make your case in level tones, as simply as possible. Resist anger and accusation. Try to be the bigger person. Play to his reasonable nature by simply asking him: “Do you really want to care for this dog?” He might be relieved you’ve put it to him that way and will understand the folly of his actions.

Posted by Dog Lady at March 30, 2005 05:08 PM