Men are dogs?

Dear Dog Lady,

I’ve been stumbling around in the dating scene, hoping to trip over my one true love. A friend suggested I try the Internet since I was having trouble meeting men in the real world. I signed on to Match.com and immediately began an email exchange with a man who claimed to be divorced and have an important job at a downtown Boston retail store. He said he lived in a tony town on the South Shore and pitched me the line that he loved to walk along the beach. He described himself as a briny romantic. “I have the whaler in my soul,” he wrote in an email. He sent me his picture. He didn’t look like a whale. So I met him.

Dog Lady, I thought we had a fabulous time. We talked easily. He grabbed my hand and hugged me. He walked me home and kissed me. He asked to see me again and promised he’d call soon. That was a month ago. I still haven’t heard from him.

Is it true all men are dogs?

Joan, St. Botolph St.

Joan, listen to you moan. Feeling sorry for yourself? Snap out of it.

All men are not dogs. Actually, it would be great if they were because dogs are kind, protective, cuddly, handsome, smart, playful, loyal, and unconditionally loving. If all men were dogs, this world would be a wonderful place. Unfortunately, some men are men, not dogs.

Dog Lady surmises you don’t have a dog or you wouldn’t ask the question. May I make a suggestion: Don’t worry about the man. Get a dog. The dog may lead you to the man.

You admit you are stumbling around looking for love. Have you ever thought of visiting the nearest animal shelter instead of surfing onto Match.com? Why peruse digital mug shots of men who claim to have the whaler in their souls (yeesh, what a blubbery line), when you can look into the eyes of doggies. They have the high-spirited wailer in their souls. Shelter dogs are ready, willing, and emotionally available to come home with you.

A dog leads you out from behind the computer and into the real world, where there are all sorts of possibilities, including romance. A dog gives you companionship that makes you feel less alone in the world. A dog does wonders for the soul -- the whole soul, not the whaler soul.

Joan, there’s a classic cartoon that shows two dogs sitting at a computer. One comments to the other, “On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog.” Be careful about Internet dating. Keep your distance and your sense of humor. Don’t build fantasies in cyberspace. Get to know someone in person before you attach too much significance to anything they write about themselves.

Remember, you’re looking for a man who treats you with respect -- and loves you like a dog.

Posted by Dog Lady at March 18, 2003 11:31 PM