Puppies for Ex-Mas

Dear Dog Lady,

I once read an item in a magazine that singer Billy Joel gave his ex-girlfriend, an unusual gift. Joel surprised the ex with a pug puppy to replace her deceased Lola, a dog whom Joel was quite fond. Joel even wrote “Waltz #3 (For Lola)” on his classical album in honor of the dog.
Enough gossip, here’s the question: Should I get my ex-girlfriend a puppy for Christmas? Her dog died a year ago and our relationship went belly up soon after. We remain distantly friendly. I’d like to rekindle the romance. Would the gift of a dog re-ignite the sparks?

-Ronald, Seattle, WA

Ronald, is it McDonald?

Dog Lady dishes out this easily digestible McNugget of an answer: No. Giving a dog to your ex-girlfriend is all about your desire to get back together with her -- not about the dog. You’re not Billy Joel. Please, live in the real world and understand you can’t throw around a dog like a stuffed animal in order to get affection.

It is terribly presumptuous to give anyone a surprise dog. Each holiday season, animal activist groups discourage parents from giving puppies to children for Christmas -- unless the parents have done a whole lot of research and plan to take over care of the dog. The shelters are filled with cast-off puppies in January because, when the haze from the holidays fades, the living dog needs to be fed, walked and nurtured. The animal can’t sit on the shelf like an abandoned holiday ornament.

Forgetting for a moment the animal ethics involved with the gesture, your ex-girlfriend would also probably be angered and horrified by such a grand gift -- even if she instantly fell in love with the dog. It would be as if you had given her a diamond bracelet. She would feel cornered by your expectations in gifting her with something so valuable. Blackmail is no way to revive a relationship.

Dog Lady thinks it would be appropriate for you to call up your ex-girlfriend and ask her out for cup of cheer. The holidays are a wonderful excuse for reconnecting. When you are out with her, settled somewhere comfortably, you might skillfully lead the conversation around to her passed pet. You might say how you were thinking of her loss, how traumatic it must have been for her, and how perhaps you didn’t understand her pain at the time.

After you introduce the topic, shut up and listen. Let her talk about it -- and I’m betting she will be glad for the chance. What you hear might allow you to understand better why your relationship went awry. At minimum, you can hope she will feel closer to you for listening.

Posted by Dog Lady at December 6, 2007 12:00 PM