Post-Poochum Depression
Dear Dog Lady,
My husband and I just adopted Bishop, a one year-old cocker spaniel, from a local animal shelter. This is my first pet, and I did a lot of thinking before we made this commitment. He's a very good dog -- housebroken, loving, smart -- and I have no reason to complain.
But I thought I’d bond immediately with this dog. Instead, I’ve been feeling depressed. It's not a constant thing. Sometimes I'm really happy about having him, and I always feel love and concern for him. But I have trouble sleeping and eating, and whenever we leave the house, all I can think about is how he's behaving while I’m away. Is this normal? Will I adjust the longer we have the dog, or should my ease with him be more instant? Please help
Holly, Columbus, Ohio
Holly, sorry you are none too jolly, but take heart. Dog Lady was similarly afflicted with “post-poochum depression” after getting her dog.
Any new relationship comes with the inevitable strain of adjustment. Your dreams of a dog can clash with the reality of having a dependent creature under your roof. You are torn between taking care of the dog and yearning for the good old days when you were footloose and fancy free. In the struggle to bond, resentment arises -- and guilt because the dog is so innocent and, as you describe Bishop, loving and smart.
In the first weeks of being a dog guardian, dazed Dog Lady remembers staring at the puppy crated and corraled in her study. “What have I done?” I asked myself a thousand times. Having a roommate rover seemed like so much hassle. I worried all the time. I wanted everything to be storybook perfect. I became deflated and irritated when things didn’t go like an episode of “Lassie.”
Then came the crucible. One dark and snowy night about two months after I got my dog, grumpy Dog Lady took her puppy outside for business. While I shivered, puppy sniffed everywhere but didn’t perform once.
I don’t like to admit it, but I became very impatient. I yanked on my puppy’s leash, yelled at him, and finally marched inside, grumbling at the dog. Puppy cowered and his ears were flattened in confusion and submission.
Once inside, Dog Lady couldn’t bear to stay mad. I burst into tears, hugged my dog, apologized, and promised him I’d do better: “Listen you, I don’t know a thing about what makes you tick, so just bear with me and we’ll muddle through together.” At that moment, Dog Lady became a dog lover. My walls came tumbling down and I truly bonded with my pet.
Only later did I learn a first snow covers up familiar scents and confuses a puppy. A dog depends on its nose and when the nose doesn’t know, the animal becomes disoriented. That’s why my sweetheart had such trouble deciding where to do his business on that night. Stumbling through all this stuff is the journey of a new dog owner.
Holly, Dog Lady hopes you will have an “a ha!” moment when you and Bishop finally connect in a way that seals the deal. I can assure you that the queasiness you’re feeling now is completely normal.
Bonding with another person can be difficult enough; bonding with another species can be near impossible at first. Stick it out. When you finally feel that joyful tie to your pet, you will have a reached a new level of human patience -- and canine love.
Posted by Dog Lady at June 20, 2004 10:46 AM
