Twirling Pug

Dear Dog Lady,

On a recent research trip to Los Angeles I boarded for a month with Mrs.Smith (not her real name), a Chicago-born Bostonian (not her real city) who had moved to California (not her real state) in 1960. A wonderful dog person and delightful conversationalist, Mrs. Smith had always kept Pugs, the latest being Pansy Anne (possibly not her real name). Pansy Anne was well trained, well behaved, an ornament to the Smith home, and a delight to all its guests. Particularly amusing was Pansy Anne's method of traveling through the house, greeting visitors, and approaching her food and water bowls: she ceaselessly twirled in tight circles at very high speeds, stopping only when she was sufficiently exhausted to fall asleep. By my estimate, using this method Pansy Anne traveled approximately one mile (seven dog miles) for every fifty feet traversed.

Never having thought house dogs could be so amusing, I returned to Cambridge intent on acquiring a twirling Pug -- only to discover that not all Pugs twirl. My wife says that Pansy Anne was (how to put this?) Defective. Even Mrs. Smith considered Pansy Anne "demented." I suspect, on the contrary, that non-twirling Pugs are, in fact, the ones that are somehow broken. And so I write to you to ask four questions (please answer in this order): (1) Was Pansy Anne somehow defective? (She does not read, so answer candidly.) (2) Was she unusual? (3) Where can we acquire a twirling Pug? (4) Do the twirlers ever come in matched pairs? (We have seen a beautiful matched pair walking, but not twirling, their owners around Fresh Pond.)

Keith, Cambridge, MA.

Keith, Dog Lady will get to your questions in whatever order she chooses, but first she must compliment you on your discretion. How considerate of you to protect the identities of all concerned. But let’s suppose Pansy Anne is real. That dog deserves her fanciful moniker.

Pansy Anne is “defective” like a Cirque du Soleil contortionist is “defective.” Certainly she’s not demented -- just gifted. Each dog has a special talent and you happily discovered Pansy Anne’s. She twirls and keeps her girlish shape by spiraling in dog miles.

Pugs are known as comedians of the dog world. When you consider it, they must be amusing to compensate for their small stature, smooshed snout, and sonorous snorts. Ever hear the term “pug ugly’? Pug keepers, nonetheless, are a devoted to these canine clowns.

Dog Lady knows a Pug named Bebop (yes, his real name) who has a remarkable talent. On command, with a treat dangling, Bebop squeals “I love you.” Of course, Bebop doesn’t have the best diction. The sentiment sounds like, “Wye Woo Woo.” Still, it’s uncanny to hear the pug speak. Like Pansy Anne, Bebop is a singular sensation.

If you acquire a Pug, don’t expect your dog to talk or twirl, but prepare to be endlessly entertained. And when you next encounter those beautiful pugs strolling around Fresh Pond, why not stop and ask their owners if you can see a stunt or two. The matched pair will surely perform their own tricks for treats.

Ever hear the term “when pugs fly?” Believe and it will be.

Posted by Dog Lady at March 9, 2003 12:00 PM