(Bleep) Happens At Dog Shows

Uno won. The fix was in at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show . David Frei, the Westminster spokesman and canine omniscient TV commentator, had more or less predicted that the adorable beagle, would take "Best In Show" at the annual dog derby. Of course, Uno or any of the brilliant doggies at Westminster could take the top prize, which, in Dog Lady's world, would be a bucket of dried liver chunks and a romp in the sunshine away from hair spray, nail clippers and judges pinching private parts.

Speaking of private parts, the competing canines -- from Afghans to Yorkies -- are all purebreds with aristocratic bloodlines, but they still have urgent biological needs defying propriety. Many of us know all about this urge to merge with the nearest fire hydrant because our own dogs are not shy about squatting or lifting their legs. No commentator dares to yammer on about this unseemly issue. Still, millions of viewers, who attend to the needs of their pets, wonder about it. Why don’t we see any accidents on TV? What happens at a dog show when a dog needs to go?

Dog Lady received these crucial questions from Penny, a reader, in an email: “Can a dog be disqualified if it goes potty during the show? And are there things an owner does before the show to keep them from doing this?”

To answer Penny’s queries, Dog Lady turned to Karen Norteman. Norteman shows Dinah, her beautiful bearded collie. She also keeps a marvelous blog, Dog Show Newbie, in which Norteman smartly and humorously writes about adventures on the championship circuit.

Regarding elimination, the biological kind, Norteman explains: “If your dog eliminates while showing in the ring, you won't be disqualified. The judge will ask the ring steward to call for the cleanup crew, whose job it is to dispatch such problems.

"The AKC stipulates that every show has ex-pens outdoors, but the Westminster show has areas "backstage" in the Garden that are blocked off by ex-pens and filled with sawdust, with pooper scoopers and cans at the ready to pick up and dispose of #2."

Yes, Dog Lady knows whereof Norteman speaks. While attending Westminster, Dog Lady wandered backstage and took this picture of a woman waiting for a Westie to poop in the sawdust.

Penny, as regards your second question, Norteman answers: “The best preventative is, of course, to exercise your dog before going into the ring."

So, dear readers, this is a whole lot of potty mouthing about dogs gotta dooing what dogs gotta do -- even at dog shows.

Posted by Dog Lady at February 10, 2008 05:15 PM