Larry: Democratic Candidate For Fixing

Dear Dog Lady,

Our rottweiler, Larry, has been very confrontational since we moved him back to Cambridge from Washington a few summers ago. He’s not nice around the kids, and even worse with the staff in our office. He attacks anything that comes near him, and it’s ceasing to be endearing. He’s also developed some bad manners: He slobbers all over the place, and he’s messy when he eats. What would you recommend? Would castration help?

-- Carl, Cambridge, MA.

Carl, sounds like your dog must be a Democrat because his agitation started when he was ousted from Washington. Merely assure him that better things may come in 2004. And, yes, Dog Lady heartily recommends castration. Such a procedure might have also benefited another Democrat, former president Bill Clinton.

Seriously, Carl, you do have a problem with Larry. I’m glad you recognize it because your dog needs immediate attention from you -- his commander-in-chief human. If Larry continues his wanton ways, without proper care and training from you, there will be no other choice but to find another home for him or put him down. The latter would be a terrible shame but it would be a wiser alternative to a multi-million dollar negligence suit, which surely would result if Larry mauls one of your staffers.

Keep your dog out of the office. Your troublesome dog should not be intimidating and attacking your staffers. Fending off the boss’ rottweiler is not written into their job descriptions. You can’t pay them enough for this duty.

Most urgently, get the dog fixed. Make an appointment with your veterinarian as soon as possible. Keeping an unneutered dog in the city is irresponsible. Keeping an unneutered male rottweiler in the city is criminal. Sorry to be so blunt about it, Carl, but Dog Lady doesn’t pull her punches; neither does your dog. Larry is in a chaotic hormonal state and neutering him will surely calm him down.

Yet, as your vet will also tell you, the big “snip-snip” may ease but will not solve all Larry’s problems. You must regularly and vigorously exercise him. An exercised dog is a happier, healthier dog. You also must work to train him. Simple “sit/stay” commands will be enormously beneficial.

The truth about dogs is that they yearn to please. By nature, they’re not Democrats, they’re Socialists. They want to fit into the communal order of things. Stare into Larry’s liquid eyes when you’re ordering him to “sit” and you’ll see what I mean.

Also, advise your kids to be calmer around the dog. Surely, he’ll be calmer around them. Make a special corner for Larry in the kitchen, basement, or family room, where he can eat peacefully without interruption. Inevitably, there will be less mess because Larry will feel more secure about his food. But understand that dogs don’t have good table manners. As for the slobbering, well, drool is a doggy thing. Some dogs slobber. Get over it.

If you love Larry and want to keep him, make these New Year’s resolutions to re-bond with your pet: an appointment at the vet for an examination and neutering procedure as well as a regular exercise, training and feeding schedule. Dog Lady hopes your efforts will produce satisfying results -- even if you can’t promise Larry a Democrat in the White House.

Posted by Dog Lady at March 1, 2003 12:00 PM